| | DECEMBER 20239CIOReviewI became who I am, my early working life was spent in the Army. 7th Special Forces Group, to be exact. I was trained (drilled) that a good decision now was ALWAYS better than the best decision later. I move fast.When my wife has a problem, I immediately go into incident management mode and start asking (perhaps) far too detailed questions. About the time I'm ready to categorize the issue, she loses patience with me. Turns out she normally doesn't want me to solve anything. But that's what I do; I solve problems, so I'm confused. Does she really want me to just listen? (The answer is yes; shut up and listen). It is so hard to change who you are. It's hard to overcome lifelong training. To make her life easier, I've learned to not change who I am but to include empathy in my actions. What does that mean?Empathy's definition is easy to understand, but as a security guy, it's hard to implement. After all, she's telling me she's vulnerable to something, and vulnerabilities create risk, and risk must be mitigated. Empathy means looking at a problem from the other person's perspective. Security people move fast, but to make their lives easier, slow down and take the time to see their angle. One lesson I've learned recently is that it's never critical to move too fast. Don't go into fix-it mode immediately. Ask questions to understand both the problem and how the person you're talking to sees the problem. About a year ago, I pushed too hard on an organizational issue that I perceived as a problem. It might have been, but just as easily, it might not have been. Where I messed up was moving off on my own direction without empathizing with others. I was loud (too loud) about my intent. As it turns out, in my effort to make everyone's life easier, I did the opposite. I offended, and it's taken me time to climb out of the hole I dug.I'm a passionate person; it's just who I am. I love my friends and family hard, and I work hard for my co-workers and company. After all, my main goal is to make their lives easier. Years ago, if something was on my mind, I was going to tell you whether you wanted to hear it or not. Friends and co-workers sometimes liked it, and for others, I wasn't their cup of tea. I'm learning to be wiser, but I find myself slipping all the time. I'll never be that executive that I was shooting for years ago, and that's ok. As I learn to listen better and not immediately design a (good) solution in my own box, I've learned I'm not perfect. I'm still a hard personality to take. It's a continual effort to consciously empathize with others, but a trait that is worth pursuing with passion. If I could go back and change just one thing, it would be to listen better and partner better and, in turn, build great solutions and better relationships. Be who those around you need you to be. One lesson I've learned recently, it's never critical to move too fast
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